Ever feel like you were disappointed? Truly. you built up this amazing idea, person, or event and then... its coming... ITS COMING... its here... there it went. . . wow that was stupid. yeah...

Ever feel like you're not good enough? someone always has better grades... more friends... greater talents... yeah...

Ever feel like there's nothing you can do... you're just going to fail. fail that test... fail in that friendship... miss your ONE chance... yeah...

so have I.

look back... turn back... switch back to the past - just for a moment - see what your eyes have once beheld... what your mind once embraced... what your heart once ached... where you've been. [keep reading]

You know it's really funny how some things, situations, circumstances, "ah-HA" moments, they just hit you during the most unexpected times. well either way.. all I have to say is I am so blessed, and I love you all. Thank you for who you are. I seriously dont care how stupid that sounds. read sum poetry and be merry!

The Aftermath

There's a beat ringing through the air. Soft... yet pounding through this thick black blanket of dusk.

It's heavy and piercing. Almost like the stars burning in the chaotic stratosphere. Or the deep husky clouds that make midnight seem like mid-day when absent. Where is its source? what is it?

Is it my footsteps? No... I walk this gravel alone. The soles of my shoes accompany the buzzing street light that hunches gloomily next to that sagging tree.

Is it my heartbeat? No... even when dreams take over, my heart is ever-watchful. Too incredulous to give in to any form of order.

Could it possibly be the one thousand fears building up behind my eyes? A stress, a tension... some kind of force is challanging my wall of emotionlessness. The questions, the doubts, the regrets - why do they flood my weary concious? only here... only now. Only in his eyes. Only in her smile. Only in their embrace. Walking down the double yellow line of broken gravel, staring at tatty shoelaces only makes me realize

                                                                                             the beat is time.

The second hand echoes - the world is hallow. This street is frozen, along with everything around it. His eyes shoot a glance of lamentation. Her breath stops for a moment. Their warmth whithers away with each haughty beat. The picturesque lifestyle that illuminates some sort of disloyal hope, giving off some fake sense of reality, disperses all too soon.

With each pulsating beat the things I knew grew misty,  the things I love ran closer, yet some got pushed behind.

My footprints are all that remain on that street. The soft outline of my steps. For time has marched me straight into a shining dawn, a breathless sunrise, a rebirth of light. What was left for me to do but to GO ALONG, GO ALONG, GO ALONG? Individuality is key. Identity, and loyalty. My life may be flying with that ringing beat - waving through countless new sunrises and sunsets, but my love stands solid. For I am a girl of uncertainty. overly cautious. My eyes are vigilant, my steps treck with top speed, always heading towards the "safe" little corner. Yet my heart finds its way to where it truly belongs. For there is one thing that overcomes the beat ringing through the air...

fate.

when the world rushes past

blurring everything that was ever once clear

I sit here and think

of you.

It seems time decided to charge forward

Leaving me in silence.

Yet who said I'm complaining?

Life is beautiful .

Hold my hand.

For along with the sweetness you'll stay behind.

Stay here, under the swaying trees...

Under the blue

We're lost in blue...

The trees are calling

"climb higher, higher..."

You cant stop the adrenilin...

its rushing right through you...

But who's complaining?

We're just lost in the leaves.

The sun shines down on you...

Almost like a spotlight.

You're being praised...

the leaves quiver in your presence...

We're all lost in your smile..

The stars are whispering

They're drawing a masterpiece

intricate in its glory.

The wind blankets the world

its late...

its calm.

we're just lost in time.

mmm its a beautiful day everybody... enjoy it

beautiful people... this world is full of beautiful people... and you...

you are beautiful.

~when times are rough... it'll all be better soon...

stay amazing guys. please... for me

The world is chaos.

The small stone that caught on the bottom of my shoe really has no intention of leaving. Its looking for companionship. ... who isnt these days?

I miss you. I know I've said it a hundred times but what the hell? another time wont hurt. except ... this time it's different. I've been without your smile for so long I'm beginning to forget your touch. every step I take is suposidly towards a bigger better day, (at least thats what they tell me...) and it seems every small inch I step is a mile farther from your smile. your eyes. oh what pretty eyes.

what a crime. not seeing your eyes.

if you think i'm kidding I'm not. Look here ya'll, I never paid no mind to the sky. or those clouds... those clouds that look like an angel worked for hours -- mastering her brush -- beaming at the masterpiece she dotted across our hazy mass of blueish hue. our blanket.

we're secluded... dont you know?

you always here people talkin about how they want to hear some good news. well, it's all around you. just open your eyes. see. what a word that is. SEE. oh how i wish i could see again. see the ocean... see the sand inbetween my toes. see you again. see that look in your eye one more time. see that plush grass and that small trail. that little bridge and that frowning tree. oh what secrets that tree holds. a witness to the world, yet blessed with the ability of silence.

silence.

everything around us is silent. its defening. its a hectic swarm of nothing-ness. yet it's everything. who said the important things are those that are said? like snow. or like some kind of light show. fireworks almost. minus the boom. the glory of the sparkling blasts... the glitter in their eyes as they gape with awe... what a world.

so no more threats please. at least not today. point that glare away from me... at least for one day. let me walk towards the way I came from... at least just tonight. let me go back to my memories, in this night of silence.

...if only you knew...